1) There is more than one road to a blackout. I was on it this weekend.
2) I need to stop being the drunkest guy at parties and gatherings.
3) I am short and fat.
But, I can't keep writing about how many black outs I have, that gets boring. I could go on about how I was the drunkest guy at the Halloween party on Saturday, but I only held that title for so long. Michal was hot on my heels all night and eventually took the crown.
So we'll go with short and fat.
For some reason, when I hang out with Michal on Halloween, I find things out about myself. Lets start with last year.
While working at the Daily Titan I had the opportunity to visit Kansas City, Missouri for a college journalism convention. I went with my Executive Editor David Carrillo, and Michal, who was the Sports Editor at the time. While we were excited to learn and broaden our journalistic horizons, drinking and bar hopping were sure to never take a backseat.
The first night, after we landed and our flight lost David's luggage, we had a few drinks in the hotel bar, walked around the town and called it a night. The second night, we explored further and got properly smashed but the details are hazy and nothing really stands out as relevant.
The next night was Halloween and we decided we would go out properly, but we had no costumes. About a half mile from our hotel there were a bunch of bars and large area cordoned off for bands to play and whatnot. If there is anything that KC is good for, it's Halloween, they did it right. By the end of the night I found myself separated from Michal and David, in typical fashion. I was walked back to my hotel by 8 Waldos, 7 of which were female, 4 of those 7 were extremely good looking Waldos. I don't even think I said good night to them. I just snuck into my hotel and found David and Michal.
The next day we finished up the convention and decided to take it easy due to the excruciating hangovers we had all day. That didn't last as long as we'd hoped. After a romantic evening out, just the three boys we went back to the room to curl up and nurse ourselves back to health. Michal and I were playing catch with a stress ball when I heard a peculiar noise outside the door. Something like...giggling. I looked through the peephole and there were two young ladies with their ears pushed up against the door. Naturally I opened the door.
After introductions and yada yada, we decided to attend a hotel party with them that had "lots of alcohol." That ended up being two-thirds of a bottle of vodka and some chasers. Then I spilled the vodka on the bed. We weren't welcome for long. But the event that has resonated the longest was when on of the girls leaned to Michal and said:
"I'd hook up with Austen, but he's fat."
Fast forward to exactly one year later. Michal and I are going to hang out on Halloween again and I am stoked because he's coming to my hometown for once and I know that when he wants to party he's going to party hard. We wanted to go to the bars first so our original costumes wouldn't work so we came up with an alternative. Bar costume, party costume.
First we infect:
Then we seduce:
So we went to BJ's where we met a nice man named Anthony, who may have been trying to hook us up with his cougar friends but we were never really sure. Our swine flu costumes were a hit with the 6 people that saw them. We had a few drinks and went to a party across town.
(We ended up having to take a taxi home in the wee morning hours because we wanted to be safe and not drive all the way across town. This was great because our driver described, in detail, his experience with the female nether region.)
We got to the party, flasks in hand and mingled and drank beer and danced and did all the things you do at a costume party. Like walk around in Chippendales outfits and let Michal spank you with a ruler, which ends up breaking because my buns of steel are just that – buns of steel.
As the night wore on, the drinks were flowing and I started flirting with everything with two X chromosomes. From my perch on top of the washing machine I had front row seats to Michal's steady self-destruction. By the time the night ended, I don't think he was speaking English.
It was around this time that a seemingly good-looking blond made her way over to me. We talked, and there were times where I thought she wanted me, but it could have been my endless supply of booze. After we called the taxi we went so sit in the car because it was too cold out. When we were leaving the blond made her way over and offered this this little tidbit of information:
"I would hook up with you, but you're short."
